Today I released the result of the past two weeks of development efforts on my website (Oh My Japan). I am trying to make it work better on mobile phones, especially smartphones, without harming the experience for people accessing it on "regular" computers.

Developing for mobile phones feels like using one-- my hands are too big, the phone is too small, and when I try to zoom in on the tiny letters of the screen my thumb presses something by mistake and I'm suddenly somewhere else in the system.

I'm on the phone with an Amazon Japan representative and she couldn't understand how to spell my name, so I start spelling it out with words. When I get to "N as in Nintendo," she asks, "Did you mean N as in nose or M as in mouse?"

I'm sorry, but it's "N as in Nintendo, not M as in Mario."

~ or "Dealing with Apple Support" ~

A couple years ago I bought a 17" Macbook Pro, which was my way of spoiling myself, since that was the most expensive laptop Apple made at the time. I really appreciate it, since the wide screen allows two full-size documents to be placed side-by-side, a great boon for editing work. Alas...

Although I generally think manufacturers' extended warranties are a poor deal, since the machine was quite expensive, just to be safe I paid about $300 for two extra years of coverage.

A few months ago, the trackpad (the built-in laptop mouse) stopped working. I could move the mouse cursor when I touched it, but "clicking" the pad didn't register as a click. So once I finally had a lull in my work schedule I called Apple support and scheduled a pickup. So far, so good-- just for fun, I tried the "English" option on the support line and there was even a nice Japanese man to guide me through.

However, after sending in the machine, they sent me back an estimate via e-mail that I would need to pay $700 to fix it. $700 for a fucking computer mouse. Why? Because of "water or liquid damage," which is not covered. (Curiously, this information was written in Japanese and there would have been no way to get a translation if one did not speak Japanese. There were also allegedly photos documenting the damage but these were in fact broken links.)

Now, since no one touches my computer except yours truly, and I am certain that I never spilled anything into it, there is only one possible culprit-- sweat from my palms. Using the computer in the heat of August in Tokyo doubtless leads to a fairly significant amount of sweat. Now, when I use the laptop keyboard, my palms don't actually sit atop the trackpad-- they are placed just to the sides-- but apparently that wasn't enough to prevent them from ruining the clicker.

A tiny piece of metal which apparently costs $700 to replace. Even after you've already paid $300 for extended service. I suppose that I am not an average Apple user, since I bleed, sweat, and cry. If I was more chic perhaps I would have no bodily functions at all.

So I called Apple support and again tried the English option. I got the same man. This time, however, he wasn't helpful at all. He wouldn't stop saying things like "Whoa" and "That's strange." So I told him to just send me back my computer and I would fix it myself.

The fix? A $10 external mouse that you can plug in, available at any electronics store.

Lesson learned-- manufacturer's warranties are not just a bad deal. They are an outright terrible deal.

Since the future of Apple laptops is unibody machines that prevent end users from doing their own repairs, and these "repair" prices are so ridiculous, if I can find another way to run Final Cut this laptop will be my last from Apple.

It really gets to me when you ask someone a question and they respond, "Oh, anything is fine."

Anyone who has even a halfway decent imagination should never, ever say such a thing. Just stop and think for a second about the potential harm that you are exposing yourself to!

But for me, what's really disappointing is that apparently few other people in this world are actually thinking about the literal meanings of words and then letting their imaginations run wild. Imaginations are like dogs-- you have to walk them regularly, or else they're going to piss and shit all over the house-- and that house is your brain!